Jan 23, 2009

Each day is my second chance

I know I made you feel awkward, when I turned up at your doorsteps and made a clumsy proposal. That was the best I could do. I wasn't thinking the right from the wrong nor anything about the perfect from the disaster that day turned out to be. I kept calling you, begging you to come downstairs and meet me. But you didn't.

I had brought roses for you that day. Hoping they would say things better than I would and the card they carried, had a song written on it. Something which I would have wanted to sing to you, but mustered enough courage to barely write it down. You petrify me. One look and my heart is beating faster, perhaps even missing a few beats. I can feel the ecstasy in the air. All this and more and I wish there were a better way to explain myself.

The wait would have been worth it. But you did not turn up. Confused, afraid, fuming or even disgusted? I wouldn't have known. But I chose to give it some time and as days went by you could see the other side of me. Appreciate me for who I am and may have even forgiven my clumsy moments. 

Despite the fiasco, you are still here with me today. I really want to know. Would I have made an impression on you that day? Would my "charms", if I were to call them so, have worked on you? Don't answer that. I wouldn't know what to do if you said No. But you are still here. That should mean something. Its been a few months since and I want to make a confession today.

I realise that all I did for you that day was not a farce, not some cheap trick that I was trying to pull off. But winning you over was the most sane thing I could have thought in recent time. I thank you for not flicking me away from your life as some insignificant thing. And with that came some hope and I am in pursuit, willing to go far to see if my charms ever work on you because yours sure have had their effect on me. So until you say yes, each day is my second chance.

Jan 18, 2009

See Through My Eyes


I happened to see this scene from a movie starring Russel Crowe, seemed like an old movie, he was quite young in it. Nevertheless, this is not about Crowe, but in the scene he was giving directions to his friend to point and shoot a picture of him in the frame. The guy clicking the photo was a blind person. He was a blind photographer asking people in front of the camera to tell him where to point and he would just capture the picture on count of three. Interestingly this got me thinking and have been toying with the idea for a blog since. I did not follow the rest of the movie. I am sure it must have been good. But the thoughts started rolling for a good blog. Lets see how far I reach with this....

He had surrendered to life. Not that he struggled for as long as he could. But he finally came to terms that he could never see again. The darkness around him must have been haunted with flashes of the horrific accident that left him sightless. Its sometimes shocking to see what life can turn out to be in a split second. The inevitable could have been avoided had he seen the advancing vehicle coming from the opposite direction. But now all he had for himself, was the darkness and a white cane to find his way.

He was quite lucky though, to have friends and family who looked after him well and never made him feel lonely or lost. They wanted to make sure that he always had something to look forward to in life. But all they could really do was be the support, should he need it. It was up to him to really get back to his life. And getting back to a life of darkness wasn't exactly what he really wanted.

All had gathered that day to celebrate his twenty fifth birthday. There was a frail sign of happiness on his face that day. Everyone cheered but no one could really lighten up his face. He should have been happy. But he wasn't. After dinner they all settled to open the presents that were brought for him. He thanked people for their kind gifts but wondered whether he would ever be able to see how beautiful they were or even find some use for them. The last gift was from his friend. He opened the box to find something heavy inside. He took it in his hands to feel it for himself. Even before he could ask what it was, she answered "Its a camera". After a long pause, he broke down into tears. Of what use could a camera possibly be to him. He thought it was a cruel joke. A mockery of his plight. She consoled him. She said she was sorry, but this camera was something which she had bought for him quite some time back. She wouldn't have known what was to come. What she did not tell him, was she wanted to win her way into his heart by giving him something special. She had their initials etched onto the camera. What hurt her now, was that he would never know, and she did not have the courage to tell him, should he turn it down assuming that she was doing him some kind of favor. She simply insisted him on keeping the camera.

Months passed. The camera was still new. The box unopened. The gift forgotten. She wanted him to embrace it and have no inhibitions about his blindness. One day she made him sit besides her and feel the camera. Understand how it worked and how it could bring into perspective the things that were around us. As she explained to him, he felt her soft hands caress his. He felt something in a long time. Something that would give him hope, a reason to live and look forward to new things in life. He agreed to use the camera. Still unsure when he would say "Say cheese" and click a snap of someone in front of him. Rather they came up with a different way to click the picture. The person standing in front of the camera would give directions as to where he stood and ask him to click the camera on a count of three. She was delighted to pose for his first picture. With a little to the left and a little up, she asked him to click her snap at count of three.

Over time, he really got hang of taking pictures this way and be it intuition or brilliant judgement, he always got a wonderful portrait of the person in front of him. Capturing rare emotions which are lost sometimes when people get too conscious to see a camera on their face. But here, they were a part of the process and enjoyed it very much. Many admitted that these were some of their best pictures ever taken. All this gave a new light to the darkness in his life. He could not thank her enough. But there was also something else he wanted to tell her. When he felt her hands when trying to get familiar with the camera, he also felt something wonderful for the first time. And though he remembered her face and admired how beautiful she looked, he guessed that getting to know her with just her touch or her sweet gentle voice had pushed him over the edge. He was in love. 

He decided he would tell her that day. She had helped him put up an exhibition of all the portraits that he had clicked. People were just in awe of how wonderful all the pictures were. They could not stop talking about it and congratulate him. He graciously accepted their wishes but could not wait to talk to her. After some time, when they were alone in the gallery, he took out his camera and asked her to smile for him. And no, he did not wait for a count to three. He just imagined her beauty and clicked a photo. He showed it to her and said "I want to see you smiling like this for the rest of my life. Would you ... ". She was looking at her best smile ever. She turned to him and said "Don't say another word. The answer is Yes!". He smiled and taking her by the hand, he ran her fingers over the initials etched on the camera and said "I guess you made the first move". She blushed and sealed their love with a kiss.

They got married a month later and though now he sees the world through her eyes, none can see it the way he does when he clicks his camera. Ironically, he would never see the photographs or the people that he clicked. But the appreciation he would get for them made every moment of his life worthwhile.

Jan 2, 2009

Walk Me To My Grave

Its a poem this time... not my first one though. About someone who has not been fortunate to have anything going right in his life. Just painful memories of futile struggle till failure. Here it goes ---

Woke up to a life of hardships
Each turn a test of strength and wits

Struggles kept wearing me out
Ruthlessly watching as I painfully shout

Bereft from home
I was struggling alone

As job milestones felt like a feat
Each year seemingly impossible to meet

Personal life was also a mess
With troubles I wish I could take less

And even love shied away
Never to bring me the glorious day

They say its better to have loved and lost
Than not have loved at all

Nothing but an optimist's muse, I'd say
Have to live with the loss at the end of the day

Life reduced to an aimless wandering
A ship without sails and minutes from sinking

Searched for success here and there
Made friends with failure everywhere

Maybe life is as good as it gets
But for me, it's just full of regrets

Can't take it, I am not that brave
Its time to walk me to my grave

This fruitless life deserves to die
That truth I cannot belie

Be the support no one gave
Please walk me to my grave