Life is a funny arcade game. You have to cross each stage one by one and you only advance to next stage when all your objectives for the earlier are complete. Some stages have a bonus thrown in while some just take away your collected points. Each stage is exciting and the overall understanding of the game increases with every stage completed.
Starting from childhood to schooling years to college, things have been great. Maybe the game was too easy then. Challenges after that have to be met with a better understanding of life. Its been five years since I got my first job. Maybe I am where I would have wanted to be professionally, but on the personal front, things are not that well planned. I got an insight into that very recently.
Attending a wedding is the perfect time to do some introspection. At a recent party that I was invited to, I got to meet my friends wife and another ones fiancee. They all seem to be very happy and excited about this new wake of life. I did congratulate them for the happiness in their lives, but I don't see myself married and settled any time soon. Everyone keeps asking when am I going to break the news and try to convince me that its time I start looking for a life partner. But I don't find myself at that spot yet. My colleagues in office have tried in vain to get me notice some of the girls there. I agree they are all good looking, but I am not on a lookout for dates, nor do I want a casual girlfriend. I remember telling my friends at work that I would only like to get involved with someone only with the intention of getting married. But that does not make me ready for marriage as yet.
Am I trying to find love? Maybe. Am I trying hard at it? Maybe not. Am I trying at all? Nope. I think I have commitment issues. Every time someone suggests an alliance I just blow it. Marriages freak me out. There. I said it. Marriages freak me out. Only once had that thought crossed my mind and I was very sure of it then. But not now. I am not an emotional fool anymore.
I am just in a bit of a fix. It is that phase of life where I don't have any reason to hold back but no milestone to reach either. Just that I am unwilling to move out of my comfort zone of being a bachelor. Living life at will, no one to explain anything to, no responsibilities, no pretentious relationships, no strings attached. It takes a lot to be able to think of someone else first. Thinking about that significant other and making your whole life revolve around that person, takes an above average understanding of how to make relationships work.
And this is where I refuse to grow up. Someone once told me, that its no use acting all matured when you could still buy some time and enjoy life. Take life as it comes and don't even think about getting married until you are thirty. Well at twenty six, I might be taking the advice bit too seriously. Just lingering about at this level of the arcade game trying to fetch more points until the door for the next level opens. Maybe I am overlooking the fact that all the points there were to score are already in the pot. Its just a matter of time when the level will advance to the next, taking the game to new heights with new challenges to face and new objectives to score.
But somewhere in my mind the resistance continues. Grow up I should, but refuse I will, for as long as possible.
