Corporate Social Responsibility. CSR. That's one beloved word of the corporates. Regardless of whether it was or not a correct implementation, right from the grass root level and up, they relish the process, flash the figures of expenditure in annual reports and grab as much the media coverage as possible. It earns them a goodwill, or so they think.
I am not much of a CSR person. I mean doing charity is a noble cause and I do do it in my small capacity. But the need for such pomp eludes me. Even as a group, I don't see the need for colorful fliers and expensive posters adorning the wall to announce that a csr is under way. You might as well add the miscellaneous expenses to the donation amount itself. Why the unnecessary expense? Beats me!
The company I work for is no different. CSR is so dear, that employees are encouraged to participate in all possible causes to raise enough money for the needy. And so we keep spending endlessly on cards, diyas, candles, paper bags, key rings, key holders, chocolates and what not. All at exorbitant prices. I mean I am not against donation, but then just ask for it. Don't sell me a paper bag for fifty bucks or a pack of assorted chocolates for hundred. I want to help but not end up feeling cheated. I hope you are getting the point and hence over time my interest in CSR activities has dwindled. The only one time I thoroughly enjoyed such a thing was taking some NGO kids to a field trip in a zoo. My sole purpose was that I hadn't been there myself, so what better occasion to pay a visit. Vested interests I suppose!
But I have the mother-of-all CSR stories to tell you. The one that I recently attended in office and I am in awe. So here goes...
As usual the CSR buzz was going around with email fliers flooding my mailbox. "Watch this space for more!" ... yea I am already excited about it. The last thing I want is some jazzy graphics in my mail box. I have other important mails to read. One of the activities planned as part of the CSR drive was tshirt painting competition and some nut-head had come up with the idea of an auction where people would bid for tshirts and the collected amount would go towards charity.WTF were the only words that came to my mind. Anyway the competition went well and the masterpieces painted by my office colleagues went up on display for others to see. I appreciate the effort but barring a few, most of them looked like a big mistake. I felt that we were seriously under-running some painting talent. Some were ridiculous to the extent that I even thought we had some retards on the payroll. Nonetheless the efforts were lauded and everyone heartily thanked for their participation.
Next up was the auction. People actually found time to leave their work behind and spend the next two hours in our auditorium bidding for these masterpieces as the michelangelos and the da vincis look upon their creations with great pride. And mind you, this was no ordinary auction. They also had a home-grown team of models to strut the tshirts around. OMG I had no words for the organizing committee. As the models, both guys and girls, walked the makeshift ramp to some peppy music, people cheered and clapped and hooted ( for the girls only ).
Our compère laid down the ground rules for the auction and some etiquettes that needed to be followed. Needless to say, people were aware that real money was involved. So you win, you buy! The minimum bid was to start at Rs.200 with next highest in steps of 50. So it would go 250, 300 .. and so on. Someone protested that 50 was too much and they should make it 25. Obviously this someone wasn't out of recession yet. But good call and everybody agreed. Rs. 200 was already over budget for me so I preferred to keep quite and enjoy the show. All madness was about to start when the first tee went under the hammer.
200 was the opening bid. Someone raised the stakes to 225, someone said 250. So people knew that things weren't going to be generous enough because rather than charity, the buyer seemed more interested in a value for money proposition. After some more bidding, the first tshirt for sold for Rs. 400 which I must say was the least of the bid wins for the day. The fever had just started. The next tshirt bought some 650 in the kitty and the next went for 1000. We thought 1000 would be it. Who would be insane to spend more than that? We were about to be proven wrong.
The heat of the moment was enough to fuel some aggressive bidding between the managers who took the stakes to 2000. Then someone called out 2250 and heads turned. Another call for 2500 and mouths stayed agape. The hammer went down at 2700. Things were insane enough and we were in disbelief. By now the "retard" masterpiece had gone for almost 1700. Again the words WTF crossed my mind. I chose to remain silent and observe the mania.
The models on the ramp were enjoying the prices being quoted. Someone had to remind the bidders that the price is for the tshirt only. No one is taking the model home. The way she blushed on hearing that comment was absolutely priceless. Guffaws in the crowd followed and when the uproar died out people got back to some serious bidding.
Rather than the quality of the painting, it had now become a prestige issue with people ridiculously bidding more and more aggressively. The insanity had now breached 7500 mark. Man, people have a lot of money here. That's the sentiment that started doing rounds and people whose salaries weren't appraised to their satisfaction let out sighs making their disappointment amply clear.
The baap of all bids was about to start and it was the last tshirt on the ramp. Now 200 opening bid was too low to ask. People started with 1000 and stepped up by 500. It was crazy and in no time the bid breached the 5000 mark with two bidders going for it. People had already seen 7500, so this bid seemed meagre if compared. So one of them boldly moved to 6500. The second bidder went silent for a while. People thought this would be it. The compère who kept track of the bids thought it was over. She called for 6500 going once... going twice... A finger was raised and the bidder silently said that he had a price in mind and since it was the last tshirt he would bid to his limit. Everyone was silent and eager to hear what amount this gentleman was willing to spend. He silently uttered his final bid. Rs 10000. Dead silence. Suddenly I realised I was a pauper in company of these elite people who had dug deep into their pockets. And I thought 200 was over budget. This bid of 10000 had shot through the roof. No more bids and the last tshirt went under the hammer for a colossal amount. Unthinkable for many. Ridiculous for few and uncomprehensible for the rest.
The total collections were announced and the team had managed to sell twenty five hand painted tshirt, barely worth twenty five hundred in all, for a massive figure few digits shy of 95000, averaging to almost four thousand per shirt. Basic cost price and profit calculations weren't making any sense. How do you manage collections of this order? Where did all the money come from? Who were these idiots who poured their wallets out?
Even if this was for a good cause this CSR event left me spellbound. It was a cocktail of creativity, charity, insanity, aggression and absolute lack of control over money spending. A lot of oohs and aahs in the audience accompanied every bid that scaled new heights. Some NGO will really be happy to see those funds donated to them. Hope they make some good use of it. As for me, I am done with this CSR stuff. Taken aback, left in awe and thinking is it really worth it. Next time a CSR NGO sale comes up I will be sane enough to buy a paper bag for fifty bucks. After all, it is for a noble cause.
