My reminiscent diary

I was cleaning my bookshelf the other day. The pile was just building up, begging me for a much pending clean up. As I started with dusting the shelves and removing the books, I reached to the farthest end and caught hold of something. Something I had kept there long back, well hidden from view. It was my personal diary.

Well, I started writing this diary when once I woke up in the middle of the night fearing that one day I might loose all the cherished memories of life unless I found a way to preserve them. I made it a habit to write the diary and it was my prized possession. I wrote a lot. A lot about childhood, friends, school, everything I was lucky enough to have. Episodes gradually moved to graduating from engineering to taking up the first job. Many names made their way into the diary. Names that meant the world to me. This was one place I could visit at will and relive all the good times I had experienced.

No sooner, one name started frequenting much more than others. Soon I was filling out pages, writing about how I met her, how I felt about her, things I liked about her. In more pages to follow, no names of my friends got a mention, no incidences about work made their way into the diary. It was just me and her. I was in love and the diary was my rendezvous with her. It was here that I had written many things even before telling her in person.

It had everything. The first poem I wrote for her, followed by many others over the time. Vivid memories of my first date with her. My anticipations, my inhibitions, my confrontations. Everything. I found it easy to write down the stuff to clear the clutter from my mind. I was thinking too much and too far. Could I help it? No. Did I like it? Yes.

And then one day, the writing just stopped. Last few pages being a painful saga of things not fallen into place. I found solace in writing it down. Trying to analyse what went wrong. Few questions were left unanswered. I let them be. Simply accepted the fact and moved on. Thinking that it would be as easy as it sounded. The writing stopped abruptly, never to be resumed again.

It was reminiscent of a many things as I laid my hands on that diary after so many years. I took the effort to read through it. Knowing it would be a mistake to do so, I still skimmed through. As I read through to the last page, I could see how things have changed over the years. The very first thing I realised was about the poems. Poetic talent sincerely eludes me now. I just don't get the meaning. Could I have been that "poetic" then? I read about things that I'd rarely do now. Could I have been that hopeless a romantic? I could not believe it was me writing these things few years back. 'Creativity is at its zenith when in love'. If what I read in an article long back were true then surely this diary was my creative best. All for someone who held a special place in my heart then. 

I cannot relate with anything of the sort now. All the creativity and emotions disappeared the day I stopped writing that diary. I swore never to write in it again. Things have changed. Hopefully for good. I don't long to go back to being how I was a few years back. Nor does it hurt not to have lived and fulfilled the things I wanted to do then.

A unfulfilled love, an incomplete diary, frail traces of a creative me...maybe these are some things I can live with. It just does not matter anymore. As for the said person in the diary, I hope she will be happy with whichever path she chooses to move on.

Time to put the diary back in its place. Have some cleaning to do.

The Cam Chronicles

I would wait here till the right person came to take me home and care for me. That's was all I kept saying to myself as I perched high on the shelf of the camera shop.... Oh, so you don't want to hear me out! I thought this blog was some place, I could speak my heart out and tell someone how things have come to happen in my life. I am sure you would want to hear me out. Do read ahead...

I am a sleek, 3rd generation semi SLR camera. I boast of most awe-inspiring features and capabilities. Check out my zoom and various presets. Am sure I make the other lesser compacts burn with envy. Ever since we made it out of the factory, proving our worth to their quality department, my friends have been selling like hot cakes. As each one starts his own journey to be the best to capture this world onto the 8 million pixels we have, I am a bit cautious on enduring onto the journey. I would want to be taken home by someone who is as passionate about photography as I am. Together we could capture some of the best sights this world had to offer. I won't mind being in the kitty of a gadget geek, as long as he takes me out the first, to flaunt in front of his friends. That's the status and attention I want to enjoy. And so I keep a watchful eye on every customer who comes into the shop and demands for someone like me. I just look at him from head to toe and if I know that it just wont click, I try to hide behind others or even nudge my unaware neighbour to be caught hold of by the shopkeeper. I know its cruel but I want to be spared the agony. I cant imagine my life with someone who would not care for me.

That morning I was still asleep I guess. Still living the dream I had last night. Making it to the pedestal with my owner to grab the most prestigious photography award in the world. Well, that was still a distant vision but somehow I knew it that I would make it one day. There was already someone at the counter. Seemed like a spoilt kid throwing tantrums for an expensive toy. His dad offered him to buy another camera so that he could first learn something about photography and then go on to buy more expensive ones. Sound advice, I thought, but the kid wouldn't budge. The father finally gave in and offered to pay by check. I thought I missed whom they were talking about and was still thinking who would that unfortunate fellow be to be owned by such a dorky kid when the shopkeeper reached out and grabbed me by the box. NOOOoooo.... This cant be. Of all the cameras in the shop, he had to pick me! My heart sank, I knew my life was ruined.

Though I was taken to rich family living in a lavish house, that kid was my worst nightmare. All he wanted to do was shoot aimlessly and then delete the snaps. He didn't was a clue as to what photography was and what care should be taken of the equipment. Soon I started running out of batteries as he never bothered to charge them, the lens was messed with his finger impressions. Cant you wash you hands after munching on a chocolate and then care to touch me! Life was hell. Completely unexpected and I seemed to be stuck here. I did not know how long I could take it. I was on verge of pushing myself off the shelf and fall to the floor. Break myself into pieces to put an end to this misery. I knew that would be such a waste of this life, but what good was it anyway.

Just then a girl came into the room. First thing she did, was look at me. I gleamed back. Boy, she was delighted to see my shiny case. Wish the lens were clean enough, I could have swept her away with my sparkle. She was the prettiest girl I had ever seen and unknowingly stretched my arms out begging to be picked up. Pick me up, she did. Wow, what soft hands and such a gentle grip! By the way she looked at me and examined my features, I was sure she knew much more about cameras than the dork who bought me. She gently blew the dust from my lenses and cleaned them with a soft cloth. She kissed me as if I were her priced find, only for hers to keep. I will never forget that tingling sensation. All I hoped was that she did not catch me blushing. That would have been a disaster. Suddenly someone called from the hallway. She panicked, put me back on the shelf and ran in the direction of the voice. I shouted out, "Please don't leave me", but the cry never reached her.

What was happening to me? Why did I feel that way? Why beg to be picked up and caressed and kissed? As I battled these tricky emotions, I also feared that I might never see her again. What if that really happened!?

Nothing eventful happened for a couple days. I was still thinking of her that day, when I heard raised voices from across the room. The dork who bought me was a real spoilt brat and this time his pranks had crossed the limits. From what I could understand, he somehow broke the girl's camera. She was very upset about it and cried and complained and sighed that the damage was beyond repair. The only fair thing to do, was buy her a new one. From the voice it seemed that she was the one I had been praying to meet for past few days, but when I heard what she said, my heart sank. "No. Don't buy a new one. Take me instead", I would be happy to switch places and let the dork grieve with a broken camera with him.

Somehow my prayers were answered. His mother grounded him and made him pay for his mistakes by forfeiting me. He apologized and gave me to the girl. That put a smile on her face. I will never forget that smile. I secretly clicked and saved that pretty sight in my heart forever.

Happy to have me, she went back to her chirpy self and started clicking at the flowers and birds in the backyard. She was certainly a prodigy and I saw myself being put to the best of my abilities. I always made sure that the pictures I clicked made her smile and feel proud. I was all that she had been looking for and for me the quest for the best was over. I would stay with her forever.

I had that dream again the other morning. Only this time, the girl was walking towards the stage to hold the award. We had done it. While I was still lost in the dream, she picked me up and started out before daybreak to click at the morning beauty. As I geared up for the day ahead, I knew ours was a perfect team. She knew it too.

After that she and I clicked happily ever after.