One day I found myself doing a curious introspection and was asking myself when or how exactly did I encounter this thing called love. Was it really love or sometimes disguised as a crush or a prolonged infatuation. I did some retrospection and let my memory take me back in time for a few months. Then a few years and then a few more. Things started pouring in as if someone had released the floodgates. If my memory serves me right, my encounter with this strange emotion dated as back as my school days.
Her name was Sandhya and we were in class seven. I blew her a kiss one day. No she wasn't watching and I realised what I had just done. Moment of shock soon turned to a smile on my face as I had just sensed the sweet feeling. But this was no more than a stupid infatuation followed by thoughtless action. Good that she never came to know about this.
A year down the line, she had left school. I wasn't exactly heartbroken. It had survived to be broken another day.
Soon enough the sight of Justine made me forget all about Sandhya. Justine was so gorgeous and I really thought she had the coolest job in the world. I'd watch all episodes of Lonely Planet which she hosted. Sometimes I'd wish she appear out of the tv and sit right in front of me. Travel and adventure was her life and through that show I could see the world while enjoying the company of a beautiful lady. A few episodes later Megan also joined the show. I liked her too. But for me, it had to be Justine.
If you still think that these were stupid infatuations, you are right. It took me a few more to eventually realize that there is more to it. Yes ... I am getting there.
Back in college, I really had one huge crush. The only problem was the whole college was crazy about her! Tough luck, but I managed a good friendship. A friendship good enough to keep me company on farewell evening, dancing to the disco tunes followed by a quiet dinner. Haven't seen her since graduation but I am sure she must be doing just fine. Did I forget to mention her name? She was Prati, my college crush for three years.
Graduation changed my life for good. I was ready to face the world. Had a new job that put me on the way to financial independence. And I was enjoying the work and the occasional "distractions" at office. I am not going to bore you with the names but yes, of them probably Geeta is one name that pops up among others. Rarely you come across such perfect combination of beauty and brains. I could not believe how multi faceted a person can be. Paintings, poetry, culinary skills would just be few to start with. Wouldn't really call it love or infatuation. Lets just say I cherish her friendship.
And then there was Sachi. Oh girl you taught me exactly how pride and snooty or sometimes curt behavior does no good to anyone. But I'd still admire you for having such good conversations with me. Maybe because I am a sweet talker or you are a good listener. The later one is probably correct. You were the kind of girl anyone would like to be seen with. I still get comments from my colleagues for that one time they saw me having coffee with you. What happened over coffee is something I'd rather leave to their imagination.
Do you think I am saving the best for the last? Well yes I am. Cause this was when I realised that all that I had been chasing so far were simply infatuations and the illusion wears away in no time. But with Megha, things were definitely different. I thank her for making me realize the difference between infatuation and love. Yes I now know what this strange emotion is. It is when you realise the other you. It completely brings out a different personality in you. A hidden side that you never realise. Things change for ever. I could feel them and see a long road ahead with her. I wanted to travel all along, do whatever it takes to make things work. Maybe she never made any promises but I went for it with all the faith I had. Few years down that road, I turned to my side and realised that I was alone. She had let go and gone separate ways. Wont blame her for her choice, but I cried on my plight for days to come.
So I guess with my retrospection complete, the search is still on. When, where or how exactly you come across this thing called love is a mystery. You could find it in the strangest of places and within most odd of circumstances. And as I look back now, any of these girls might have been worth the wait. Except Justine and Megan of course. People just don't pop out of television, do they! But I am past that point. That's what the book of life is all about. You close one chapter to start a new one. I will too. But maybe keep a few bookmarks on pages as reminders of what I may have loved and lost.
