I put on my cape and my mask
Take the elevator to the basement
Get into my "batmobile" and start for office
And not a damn soul is watching
I zip my way through the traffic
With stealth mode navigation and precision steering
And that Nolan Dark Knight theme song blaring
And not a damn soul is watching
I get to my office desk
And concoct code out of air so thin
Create magic with my cape still on
And not a damn soul is watching
Several hours just fly by
Waiting for magic, but nothing's happening
The tangled code, just as buggy
And not a damn soul is watching
As day turns to night
I code with all my might
Seeing another day of my life wasted
And not a damn soul is watching
My awesome ninja driving skills
Eventually surrender to the horrific traffic
Wishing for a "batpod" for an easy escape
And not a damn soul is watching
I sneak back home after the dark
Knowing Alfred won't bother waiting
And count the "batsignals" as I go to sleep
And not a damn soul is watching
In this world of "IT", there are several like me
Believing they are here for a purpose
Saving the world, while merely surviving it
Why isn't any damn soul watching
As I hang my cape for the day
Knowing it will start all over again
Praying for the strength to conquer it all
And hope someday someone somewhere would be watching
May 19, 2016
Dec 30, 2015
As Life Flashed By
(This story is in continuation to "The Negotiator". Please catch that first if you haven't already done so!)
"Redemption", I replied. And as I gazed back into Bala's eyes, which met mine with a bewildered look, I already knew what I had to do. I had spent past few minutes of my life trying to gather enough courage to do this. And I let myself off the bridge. Bala never would have got the time to react and I could see the horror in his eyes as I fell away and beyond his sight.
Gravity did its job. The faithful friend hadn't betrayed, I thought to myself. The expected, yet unexpected, fall got my adrenaline pumping. In that rush, time seemed to slow down and so did my heartbeats, as I started registering things happening around me. The enormous steel structure of the bridge over me was shrinking in its demeanor and at an alarming rate at that. The dark moonless sky above granted an overwhelming sense of volume and how small I stood in comparison. I could feel the chills of the night and the gust of the wind tumultuously playing with my hair and jacket. The flutter only got louder and more prominent as I plunged down further.
As the view around me shrunk as time went by, a familiar face seemed to call out to me for a final rendezvous. Boy was I glad to see her after so long. The serene look on her face and the innocence in her eyes seemed to sooth me. But as I looked closer, a small tear drop rolling down her face caught my eye. What had she done to deserve it. And I knew no one was to be blamed for that, but me!
My thoughts raced to the day I met her. A chance meeting at the museum, the least likely place I would have ever imagined to meet someone like her. I guess the mutual interest in semi-precious stones and natural crystals sparked something between us. I stole at glance at her from across the glass enclosure, while she was busy looking at these glittering pieces of natural beauty. Each with a story of its own. "An Amethyst attracts good luck and love and also helps calm you down", I said nonchalantly as I walked up besides her, looking at a captivating crystal in front of us. I never knew my casual knowledge about gems and minerals would ever help me break the ice. "It sure does and you should wear one too if you are an Aquarius", came a coy reply. I smiled to look at this girl who was clearly more into gems and zodiac signs than me. The casual chat lasted for long and I knew I had met someone special.
We soon discovered there was more to us than amateur gemology or make believe zodiacs. Life was never going to be the same for me for the next couple months were almost surreal. It was the best thing to happen to me and I was really lucky to have someone like her in my life. But as time went by, she wanted more from the relationship until she finally dropped the "M" bomb on me. I freaked out a bit I guess. Marriage was not on my mind, not yet at least. But no matter how hard I tried to tell her, she was already carried away into the fantasy. I wanted to build a career for myself. Marriage and family would always come later for me. Love and Marriage were absolutely two different things for me. But nothing I spoke would convey what I really wanted to say. And so I played along. She wanted a gala wedding, so I fabricated one for her. She wanted a picturesque life, so I painted one for her. She wanted surreal things to make her life complete, and I lied on every occasion just so that I could avoid telling her the truth. Things would take care of themselves said my naive mind, which was ill-equipped to deal with a situation like this.
The next I know, I was walking up to her bed side that morning. She was unaware of my presence. I was going to call it quits, but didn't have the courage to face her. I left her a note, saying that I was moving on, moving to a different city to take up a new job, and that it was best for us not to see each other or try to get in touch. That was very blunt of me, I didn't even bother to leave a contact number or a way to get in touch. I guess I knew of an email id which I was never going to check ever again and a number which I was never picking up calls from.
I left her to pursue a high flying career and never wanting to be shackled to a life which she so dearly wanted. Marriage was never on my mind, not at the time at least. For me, my career was soon becoming the only thing that I would work towards. I wanted to build something for myself. Maybe I was being selfish, but that was the way ahead, that I saw and chose to tread on. I would not have known what havoc that letter would unleash on her. I would not have imagined what pain it would inflict on her. I would not have perceived that I would be the one to bring down the world around her like that. Never did I want to push her to the edge. Things are probably happening for the best is how I consoled myself. I would never have known that my betrayal would cost her her life.
I was detached from her world, hot on trails of a career that I was chasing. I threw myself into the process and never ceasing until I climbed a step of the corporate ladder and then another. I was being blinded by my ambition, fueled by my hunger to make it to the top. A year down the line, I came to know of what had befallen her and how she choose to embrace death, tired of waiting on me and the depression I caused had driven her to the edge. I was in disbelief but at the same time denying that I had anything to do with it. The note I left was the final closure for me. She should have known better. A life isn't something you throw away. But how do you explain that to someone whose entire reason to be, had become you. I had failed to realize what we meant to each other and that it were still possible to chase my dreams with her by my side. That moment hit home and I was for loss of words.
It was too late to do anything about it. I was guilty as hell but instead of mulling over it, I chose to lock that past away in deep recesses of my mind and continue life as I knew it. Diving deep into work was the only way I knew to do something about it, and so for the next couple years or so I just worked and worked and worked, alienated from friends and family, spending holidays at work and vacations at home working on future projects and important office matter. I was successfully escaping my past until today when I met Bala and realized the true meaning of the word "Betrayal". Not only had I betrayed her by refusing to be a part of her life, but that denial made me keep true happiness out of my life as well. The journey would have been priceless if she were with me every moment of the way. The memories we would create over time, would have been a mirror into our lives and what it meant to both of us. I was a fool trying to measure success by my bank balance and job promotions. I thought I was better off with no emotional baggage but that hadn't made me strong in any way. If anything, I was a coward trying to run away from my past. I was a failure at life by the same degree as I was successful at my profession. All that success was a facade around me that came crashing down when I realized the terrible consequences of my thoughtless actions. My last goodbye to Bala reassured me that the thing I was about to do, would redeem me from all this. My hands waved him a silent goodbye as I promptly obeyed gravity.
I braced for contact. The sight of the bridge was almost a blur when the ice cold water rushed around to gulp me down. The eventuality of my actions was finally here. My outstretched hands tried to grab onto something ... anything ... to pull me out to safety. The impact should have killed me, but in a cruel act of mercy, I had survived for some more time to soak in whatever was still to come. The unforgiving cold water brutally gripped me, crushing any hopes of escape. Not that I had any intentions to do so. With the murky water splashing around me, obscuring my senses, I surrendered to the inevitable. I have been consumed by selfishness, riddled with guilt, running from my past with little success, trying to make amends, all the while failing to realize that the thing I thought would hold me back would have been the best thing to liberate me and fulfill a happier, more complete life. All of this comes to an end as I finally make peace with this life. If you can hear me, here is what I have to say, "Sorry for all that I did, and hope to see you on the other side".
"Redemption", I replied. And as I gazed back into Bala's eyes, which met mine with a bewildered look, I already knew what I had to do. I had spent past few minutes of my life trying to gather enough courage to do this. And I let myself off the bridge. Bala never would have got the time to react and I could see the horror in his eyes as I fell away and beyond his sight.
Gravity did its job. The faithful friend hadn't betrayed, I thought to myself. The expected, yet unexpected, fall got my adrenaline pumping. In that rush, time seemed to slow down and so did my heartbeats, as I started registering things happening around me. The enormous steel structure of the bridge over me was shrinking in its demeanor and at an alarming rate at that. The dark moonless sky above granted an overwhelming sense of volume and how small I stood in comparison. I could feel the chills of the night and the gust of the wind tumultuously playing with my hair and jacket. The flutter only got louder and more prominent as I plunged down further.
As the view around me shrunk as time went by, a familiar face seemed to call out to me for a final rendezvous. Boy was I glad to see her after so long. The serene look on her face and the innocence in her eyes seemed to sooth me. But as I looked closer, a small tear drop rolling down her face caught my eye. What had she done to deserve it. And I knew no one was to be blamed for that, but me!
My thoughts raced to the day I met her. A chance meeting at the museum, the least likely place I would have ever imagined to meet someone like her. I guess the mutual interest in semi-precious stones and natural crystals sparked something between us. I stole at glance at her from across the glass enclosure, while she was busy looking at these glittering pieces of natural beauty. Each with a story of its own. "An Amethyst attracts good luck and love and also helps calm you down", I said nonchalantly as I walked up besides her, looking at a captivating crystal in front of us. I never knew my casual knowledge about gems and minerals would ever help me break the ice. "It sure does and you should wear one too if you are an Aquarius", came a coy reply. I smiled to look at this girl who was clearly more into gems and zodiac signs than me. The casual chat lasted for long and I knew I had met someone special.
We soon discovered there was more to us than amateur gemology or make believe zodiacs. Life was never going to be the same for me for the next couple months were almost surreal. It was the best thing to happen to me and I was really lucky to have someone like her in my life. But as time went by, she wanted more from the relationship until she finally dropped the "M" bomb on me. I freaked out a bit I guess. Marriage was not on my mind, not yet at least. But no matter how hard I tried to tell her, she was already carried away into the fantasy. I wanted to build a career for myself. Marriage and family would always come later for me. Love and Marriage were absolutely two different things for me. But nothing I spoke would convey what I really wanted to say. And so I played along. She wanted a gala wedding, so I fabricated one for her. She wanted a picturesque life, so I painted one for her. She wanted surreal things to make her life complete, and I lied on every occasion just so that I could avoid telling her the truth. Things would take care of themselves said my naive mind, which was ill-equipped to deal with a situation like this.
The next I know, I was walking up to her bed side that morning. She was unaware of my presence. I was going to call it quits, but didn't have the courage to face her. I left her a note, saying that I was moving on, moving to a different city to take up a new job, and that it was best for us not to see each other or try to get in touch. That was very blunt of me, I didn't even bother to leave a contact number or a way to get in touch. I guess I knew of an email id which I was never going to check ever again and a number which I was never picking up calls from.
I left her to pursue a high flying career and never wanting to be shackled to a life which she so dearly wanted. Marriage was never on my mind, not at the time at least. For me, my career was soon becoming the only thing that I would work towards. I wanted to build something for myself. Maybe I was being selfish, but that was the way ahead, that I saw and chose to tread on. I would not have known what havoc that letter would unleash on her. I would not have imagined what pain it would inflict on her. I would not have perceived that I would be the one to bring down the world around her like that. Never did I want to push her to the edge. Things are probably happening for the best is how I consoled myself. I would never have known that my betrayal would cost her her life.
I was detached from her world, hot on trails of a career that I was chasing. I threw myself into the process and never ceasing until I climbed a step of the corporate ladder and then another. I was being blinded by my ambition, fueled by my hunger to make it to the top. A year down the line, I came to know of what had befallen her and how she choose to embrace death, tired of waiting on me and the depression I caused had driven her to the edge. I was in disbelief but at the same time denying that I had anything to do with it. The note I left was the final closure for me. She should have known better. A life isn't something you throw away. But how do you explain that to someone whose entire reason to be, had become you. I had failed to realize what we meant to each other and that it were still possible to chase my dreams with her by my side. That moment hit home and I was for loss of words.
It was too late to do anything about it. I was guilty as hell but instead of mulling over it, I chose to lock that past away in deep recesses of my mind and continue life as I knew it. Diving deep into work was the only way I knew to do something about it, and so for the next couple years or so I just worked and worked and worked, alienated from friends and family, spending holidays at work and vacations at home working on future projects and important office matter. I was successfully escaping my past until today when I met Bala and realized the true meaning of the word "Betrayal". Not only had I betrayed her by refusing to be a part of her life, but that denial made me keep true happiness out of my life as well. The journey would have been priceless if she were with me every moment of the way. The memories we would create over time, would have been a mirror into our lives and what it meant to both of us. I was a fool trying to measure success by my bank balance and job promotions. I thought I was better off with no emotional baggage but that hadn't made me strong in any way. If anything, I was a coward trying to run away from my past. I was a failure at life by the same degree as I was successful at my profession. All that success was a facade around me that came crashing down when I realized the terrible consequences of my thoughtless actions. My last goodbye to Bala reassured me that the thing I was about to do, would redeem me from all this. My hands waved him a silent goodbye as I promptly obeyed gravity.
I braced for contact. The sight of the bridge was almost a blur when the ice cold water rushed around to gulp me down. The eventuality of my actions was finally here. My outstretched hands tried to grab onto something ... anything ... to pull me out to safety. The impact should have killed me, but in a cruel act of mercy, I had survived for some more time to soak in whatever was still to come. The unforgiving cold water brutally gripped me, crushing any hopes of escape. Not that I had any intentions to do so. With the murky water splashing around me, obscuring my senses, I surrendered to the inevitable. I have been consumed by selfishness, riddled with guilt, running from my past with little success, trying to make amends, all the while failing to realize that the thing I thought would hold me back would have been the best thing to liberate me and fulfill a happier, more complete life. All of this comes to an end as I finally make peace with this life. If you can hear me, here is what I have to say, "Sorry for all that I did, and hope to see you on the other side".
Oct 5, 2015
Pseudo Friends
So Facebook shows me a list one day
Of people I may know
Turns out these strangers that I see
Are friends of a friend of a friend I know
Is this six degree of separation
My way to let my friend circle grow
But how do I click that button yet
To befriend some stranger I barely know
Or maybe I have known them for long
With their updates flooding my wall
A friend of a friend, likes or comments
And I wonder why I have to read it all
In this flurry of ludicrous updates
I desperately look for people I know
And all I see them do
Is like or comment about someone I don't know
And what's with the videos please
Displayed on my update feed
Am I being fed with bits and pieces
Of info I don't care or need
Long gone are the conversations
I used to have with friends
Walks down the memory lane
With stories to cherish in the end
People online are just busy now
With likes, shares and what not
Mindlessly tapping on those links
Believing that's what friendship is all about
Well, think really hard now
When was the last time you truly connected
Had a really long conversation
With memories resurrected
Social media as we know it
Is just messing with your head
You are linked online, apparently in touch
But the essence of friendship is probably dead
So folks don't mind if
I don't add you in the end
Maybe not adding anyone at all
Is better than having a pseudo friend
Of people I may know
Turns out these strangers that I see
Are friends of a friend of a friend I know
Is this six degree of separation
My way to let my friend circle grow
But how do I click that button yet
To befriend some stranger I barely know
Or maybe I have known them for long
With their updates flooding my wall
A friend of a friend, likes or comments
And I wonder why I have to read it all
In this flurry of ludicrous updates
I desperately look for people I know
And all I see them do
Is like or comment about someone I don't know
And what's with the videos please
Displayed on my update feed
Am I being fed with bits and pieces
Of info I don't care or need
Long gone are the conversations
I used to have with friends
Walks down the memory lane
With stories to cherish in the end
People online are just busy now
With likes, shares and what not
Mindlessly tapping on those links
Believing that's what friendship is all about
Well, think really hard now
When was the last time you truly connected
Had a really long conversation
With memories resurrected
Social media as we know it
Is just messing with your head
You are linked online, apparently in touch
But the essence of friendship is probably dead
So folks don't mind if
I don't add you in the end
Maybe not adding anyone at all
Is better than having a pseudo friend
Jul 24, 2015
Time
A Second is a fleeing memory,
Before you realize, its already history.
A Minute is a lost opportunity,
A regret may last till eternity.
An Hour may be an anxious recount of moments,
A haunting experience of uneasy events.
A Day is just a page in the book called Life,
Pick out a good one and read it with delight.
A Month is the time to give your best,
No harm in pursuing if you pass that test.
A Year is a speck in the time you will stay,
Don't fret a bad one, it wont matter anyway.
A Decade is to look back and rejoice,
Pat yourself for your journey of choice.
A Century is the previous generations' legacy ,
Make sure to leave a better one with no intricacy.
Time is ever so constantly changing,
Its futile to keep up with life's waxing and waning.
Let bygones be an oblivion to you,
Because time wont stop and neither should you.
Make peace with it and keep doing your best,
Let history take care of the rest.
Before you realize, its already history.
A Minute is a lost opportunity,
A regret may last till eternity.
An Hour may be an anxious recount of moments,
A haunting experience of uneasy events.
A Day is just a page in the book called Life,
Pick out a good one and read it with delight.
A Month is the time to give your best,
No harm in pursuing if you pass that test.
A Year is a speck in the time you will stay,
Don't fret a bad one, it wont matter anyway.
A Decade is to look back and rejoice,
Pat yourself for your journey of choice.
A Century is the previous generations' legacy ,
Make sure to leave a better one with no intricacy.
Time is ever so constantly changing,
Its futile to keep up with life's waxing and waning.
Let bygones be an oblivion to you,
Because time wont stop and neither should you.
Make peace with it and keep doing your best,
Let history take care of the rest.
May 1, 2015
Building my digital world all over again
My job took me to a new city. And for couple months or so, I have been literally living out of a suitcase. While I travelled with enough essentials, I have largely left my digital life back home. That would mean that the linux laptop, the external hdd, the music speaker system, the huge smart tv are all feeling lonely without me. All I am carrying with me is a smartphone, just about basic no awesomeness to boast of, my work laptop and my favorite headphones which offer some releif when I am playing my limited songs playlist off the phone. The only saving grace is availability of good browsing speeds on wifi and mobile data.
I thought I could do without these toys for a while and live a simple, if not impassable life. But the illusion is wearing away sooner. What I may have come to realize is that each device has its purpose. I cannot live with a smartphone expecting it to fill the divide of not having all the gadgets that I own. Nor is a decent headphone a suitable replacement for good speaker system. Youtube cannot possibly pitch in for the collection of my favorite movies on hdd and watching any video on the paltry 4.5 inch mobile screen is a pity when that massive 42 inch full hd screen stays lifeless back home. Work laptop is strictly for work, any other use would land me in trouble, although its my only savior if I have to finish this blog.
We are so used to these peripheral devices that we almost take them for granted. Yet we cannot imagine a life without them. I am not even counting those card readers and memory cards and pen drives which make media transfer all the more easy or the tiny wires that charge your devices to last the day. I am definitely feeling amiss with these things out of sight. For me, I guess I have to find a sweet spot somewhere in between the minimalist digital armoury I possess right now and the ultimate digital luxury I was so used to. I cannot possibly start investing in these gadgets all over again. So that makes me wonder what else could be done.
Starting categorically, I am trying to analyze my needs and associate a device with it. Communication, verbal or text, is best handled on the phone and the one I have is quite suited for the job. It handles Skype and Whatsapp and international calls pretty well. Video calls over wifi are without any hiccups so no complains yet and no plans to upgrade either.
For music or latest movies trailers that I want to catch, the youtube application on my phone is good enough for now. The headphones rightly serve their purpose but sometimes I like my music loud enough to fill the room. The humble smartphone seriously lacks any ability to rock the party! Here I see an opportunity to buy something portable yet heavy on those beats. A bluetooth speaker makes it way to my wish list. I have been looking around the amazon catalogs for something suitable. Its Bose vs JBL so far. The one that rocks the house with its deceptive small form and is easy on my wallet will be the winner. The bluetooth paired speakers would also go well with a laptop for that blockbuster movie experience.
That brings me to the laptop that I might want to buy soon. This thing will be a must have, though I am struggling to figure the right amount to spend on one. Its brands vs competitive prices. Being a linux user since long, I dont see the point in paying for a windows license, and then wiping that thing clean with a linux installation. Laptops with no os are a rare find and the ones that come with linux preinstalled have their price tags shooting through the roof. Seems like too much investment right now. This is where chromebooks have caught my fancy. Relatively inexpensive machines with their working centered around online usage. Newer options with faster processors and better screens are kind of a sweet deal to me. It will be better than a tablet and cheaper than a full blown laptop. Sounds just about right. I read that it is possible to install linux on them as well which is perfect for me. I could do a more thorough homework before cornering down on one of these. The only con is they have very little onboard storage with really tiny SSDs. But I could bundle the purchase with a 1TB or above HDD. That will solve storage space problems for good. Some more thoughtful pondering is required for this one.
I am imagining, when I am done listening to music or seeing a movie or video calling with family, I would simply like to relax and unwind with an interesting read. Back home, I had been a faithful reader of hard bound books, adding more and more to my mini library, when I ran out of space on my shelf. I could only imagine the chaos and disorder on the tiny book shelf had I bought any more. But why bother about paper books in this digital age. I am certainly thinking of owning an ebook reader. Well, I could read them on the chromebook or a tablet or even the phone, but the distractions are too many and ebook readers will help me do the only thing I would want to do at the time ... read a best seller with undivided attention. Kindle Paperwhite ... I am this close to ordering you online!
So thats how I plan to rebuild my digital kingdom. Starting from scratch and reaching a level where I have enough gadgets to get through day to day activities and yet not spend away my precious savings. And when my digital kingdom has grown well, I will splurge on the more expensive toys like the DSLR. That thing is definitely on my list, but I am cautious of what I choose to spend on. Diving into purchasing a DSLR would mean that I would need enough time and patience at hand to start learninig photography from scratch. I do know the basics, but when you are handling top of the line equipment you cannot be an average joe with its handling. But thats for another time. Some disciplined saving and genuinely increasing interest in photography will definitely be needed before I can commit myself to buying one.
My gadget list is almost complete, nothing extravagant or overly ambitious. Just a thoughtful selection of gadgets that will make my digital life more complete. Let me head to amazon for some shopping orders!!
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