A figment of imagination

Seriously, I did not find any better title to go with this story. But that's what it is - a figment of my imagination. Here goes...

The beautiful paradise was her home. Lush greenery, overlooking mountains with the most breathtaking waterfalls one might have ever seen. The flora and fauna of her home was marvellous. She lived as if it were a fairy tale, a magical land where one would wish to stay on for hours together. She enjoyed spending her time there. Adore herself with the beautiful and fragrant flowers, make friends with some wild creatures. The fawns, birds, bunnies seemed to like her a lot and wouldn't mind coming as close.

Suddenly dark clouds gathered as if from nowhere and with a deafening thunder, started pouring all they had. As darkness befell this paradise, the flowers withered, trees shed all their leaves and the animals ran helter-skelter for some shelter in the rain. The girl did not know what was happening but all she knew was that when it happened she would be left with no food or shelter until the sun shone again. She would not know how long to wait. As the rains started pouring more heavily, flooding the brook, she took shelter in a hollow bark of a tree. Fear gripped her and all she did was pray she had the courage to wait it out.

As she fell asleep in this land engulfed with rain and storm, he woke up. Disturbed, distraught and unable to find her. He knew he had to find her. He would cross mountains and rivers, search the forest for her. But the only place he could ever find her was in his dreams. He would spend days searching for her far and wide in the treacherous lands and when his feet would no longer carry him, he would sleep and lose himself in his cherished dream. So he slept that day too.

Lucky for her, the weather was beginning to change. The floods, the thunder, the eeriness of the place had given way to blossoming flowers, lush trees, lazy brooks, twittering birds. Life was all beautiful again. She left her place of refuge in search of some food.

He knew he would find her in his dreams. He dreamed of her in the woods, talking to the birds. The animals of the forest were her best friends. They brought her some sweet fruits and flowers. He followed every detail of the dream and hoped to take that path to a place where he would find her. After all she was his priced possession.

The truth that he did not realize was that in reality he would never find her. She was but a figment of his imagination. Her existence was because he dared to imagine and let the dream grow. The girl was a prisoner in his mind. When he dreamt of her, he imagined all the beautiful things about her, but when his dream ended, his upset mind turned the whole world for the girl upside down. The madness to find her was taking its toll on him. He wandered around the forest for days, taking the paths he saw in his dreams, hoping to find her. He did not have food for many days and grew feeble as time passed by. But the urge to find her kept pushing him ahead.

As he scrambled along a cliff, he slipped and crashed on the jagged rocks below. Pain shot through his body. He cried out to her. But no one was to answer the cry. In her entrapped world she could not understand why the sun and rain were paying this frantic game of hide and seek. She wished thats it would all end soon and the old paradise would come back again.

The pain would take his life away. He knew it. And as life ceased to exist, the mind that trapped the girl was willing to let go. Free her of the prison she wasn't even aware of. The sun shone again in wonderland, the girl could see the clear skies above, see the full bloom of mother nature, feel alive again after all that she had been through. She saw beautiful angels come down. It was unbelievable, but after all that had happened so far, they knew she would believe. And as he breathed his last, she held their hand and flew away. Free.

In my memories

Its been long since we said goodbye, but somewhere at the back of my mind, I have this fabulous memory of you. Of us. And of a dream.

There is a part of me that wants to stay with you forever. And however impossible it may seem, I want to make it happen. I might have said that I have moved on and am looking forward to great things happening in my life. That's a lie I keep telling myself. Its hard to believe that you are gone. Even harder to convince myself that you never existed. That's an extreme but only way to get over you. The harder I try to forget you, the more I cannot. And all just comes back to me. Fresh. Sweet. Fabulous.

Often I can't think beyond you. All the thoughts of that special person begin and end with you.Yesterday, I was telling myself that it's been so long, I'd probably forgotten how you look. And then your beautiful smile flashed across my mind. Followed by a million things about you. Who said I'd ever forget anything!

Maybe its the silence of the night and few cans of Budweiser that are doing the talking. But all the inebriation does not stop me from thinking clear.

What I realise is, there was a past for me. A past of us. But you have moved on and so should I. I know I make things difficult for myself. Wish I had an erase button to just wipe out those memories. But I don't. I try my best to forget. But I can't.

Life will take its course from here, as I tread on a new path everyday. Someday, there will be someone to accompany me. It won't be you. I know. But should I feel the need for your presence, I'd know just the place to find you. Because in my memories, I'd have you.

Pay Day

It was the most anticipated day in recent times. For almost a year I worked without giving much attention to how much I take home. What I took home was enough to buy me food, pay my bills, buy me another pair of jeans, occasionally spoil myself at some good restaurant or go bowling with friends. But things were about to change. My paycheck was about to put on a little weight. And with the anticipation, anxiety and nervousness were on the rise.

To make things better, I had a windfall. I certainly did not see a promotion coming my way. I mean, I badly wanted it. But with all the diplomatic talk I had with my seniors, likeliness of a change in my job title was slim. I wasn't thinking much about it but a fatter paycheck was certainly on my mind. I said to myself, if I reach a certain figure, I might consider buying a car. The prospect of owning my very first car made me feel great. It was an elated feeling and I couldn't wait for the dream to come true.

And so the moment drew on. Soon the word went around that new pay scales were out and employees could check their online accounts. With great expectations, I logged on. Only to frown and log off immediately. Seems the new car would still be a distant dream. I fared low on my own expectations. Being appraised at an average scale did not amuse me. I had put in more efforts than the year before. I was certainly discontent. A few quick calculations of how much more could I be taking home did nothing to cheer me. Gloom was the color of the day. I did not feel like working for rest of the day. That's what happens when expectations are not met.

I left office in the same mood. Man it sucked! Sucked to know that things were just average at work. Sucked that all the hard work and promotion did not bear much monetary fruit. I needed something to cheer me. And I knew just the thing to do.

As I steered my way through the city traffic, riding my bike, I took a long detour on my way home. I rode through the outer perimeter of the city, watching the sun go down and disappear. Watched the green pastures of land with patches of concrete houses cropping in between. Rode by a serene lake. Someone was there still hoping to catch fish along the banks. The entire trip back home was soothing and truly therapeutic in a way. Just an hour ago, I was discontent, displeased and disappointed deep down. And here I was, experiences something totally different. The sinking feeling I had all afternoon had ebbed away.

By the time I reached home, I was in a jolly good mood. I had my favorite food for dinner and then celebrated my pay rise and promotion with some hot chocolate and ice cream. Cherry on top. The momentary agony of not meeting my own expectations had eluded me now.

The next day, I smiled and started for work. A new day with new possibilities, new challenges and of course a new dream. A bigger better car. Maybe next year.

Skeptical about love

The other day I was having a casual lunch with my colleague, chatting about the usual work and the fast approaching weekend. Our voices were muffled by the cacophony in the cafeteria. At lunch time the silence of the place gives in and at times you have to make an effort to get your voice across the table. Our discussion soon turned to how our mutual friend had recently confirmed his relationship status as committed. He had found love in a girl from our office and was very excited about this new turn in his life. The talk continued for some time.

Then suddenly I was thrown a question by my lunch companion. She asked me why didn't I ever share such things with them. She was damn sure that there must be someone that I like, but somehow I never tell such stuff to anybody. And she seemed very curious to know how in the world could I not find someone interesting enough.

I was taken a little aback and wondered, lady why do you even want to get me started on that. Not that you don’t know the story. You guys tricked me into spilling out the beans and I went on to narrate my share of story in every possible detail. But that was like three years ago and I guess I have moved on.

My reply was more patient than impulsive. I agreed that overcoming my past relationship wasn't the easiest thing to do. Being too deeply involved, the emotional bruises have just started to show signs of healing completely. That obviously does not make me invulnerable. Also it makes little sense to jump at the next chance that life has to throw at me.

Probably falling in love was the best lessons life has ever taught me. Things may not have gone through the way I expected them to, but I definitely know how it feels to be in love. Honestly, I haven't felt better in recent times. All the gorgeous faces that I see around would certainly make me take that plunge again, but at some level it just doesn't click.

Love is something that I may not understand completely. There was a time when I was a non-believer thinking that something like love does not exist. Then unwillingly, unknowingly I fell in love. I was all game to make impulsive decisions, make a complete fool of myself, risk being called crazy, do anything that could win me her heart. Now the spontaneity and the excitement eludes me, taking me back to the place where I wish love never exist to cause me the pain. Some may call me rigid, some cold hearted. But I am skeptical. If dreams can be shattered once, so can they be crushed second time around. And though the first debacle earned me some nuggets of wisdom, I am certainly not a master at matters of heart.

Free advice from other self-proclaimed love gurus is going to take me nowhere. I'd rather be on my own. If it is this skepticism that is making me rigid, devoid of emotions then maybe the antidote is a sweet potion of love, given just as unexpectedly as before.

Make a Sacrifice

Recently I saw this commercial on television, which shows a school kid walking over a bridge on a small lake and is suddenly prompted to make a plunge in the water. Wouldn't that be great fun!? But he is compelled not to, by his parents. The boy grows up, is married and has an executive job. But somewhere down the line, he wants to quit and do what he feels is right. But then he thinks about his wife and the child they were expecting soon. Despite his urge to quit, he holds on to the job. He soon prospers and now wants to buy an expensive new car. But then he sees his children and their education needs, which he must meet. Off goes the desire to buy a swanky new vehicle. He had been making a sacrifice at every stage of his life. A compromise with his desires, for different compelling reasons. Years later when he is retired, he makes a walk to the same bridge. He remembers his childhood wish and decides for once to follow his heart. He takes that plunge and realizes his wish. He couldn't have been more happier than on that day.

This ad made me thinking. I agree that one should follow his heart and do what makes you happy, but I can’t help notice the sacrifices that man made at every stage of his life.

Sacrifice may not always be a compulsion. Today, someone living a single life with least worries at hand does not have to sacrifice his desires. For him life has no compromises and he wants to make things go his way. But life brings with it new responsibilities at every passing stage. Soon he would have a wife to care for and kids to look after. He would then have to strive to provide them with best of everything. The struggle to make them happy, lands him in situations where a compromise at some level becomes a must. He may have to forfeit a personal desire for sake of his family. Rewards reaped by such sacrifice maybe be far more than pursuing his personal wantings. Of course no compromise should be too large. One doesn't want a regrettable life!

If essential sacrifice is so important to an individual, then he must surely realize that same sacrifices have been made by his parents for his upbringing. If you never had hardships growing up, got what you always wanted, have good education and lead a successful life, chances are that a great deal of sacrifice has gone into that making. It is time to repay in kind. Be a part of your parents' lives just as you have been all your life. Make some sacrifices of your own to make sure they are loved. Care for them. They don't need your cash. But your love is something they cannot buy. They might not expect much in return, but that does not free you of the debt you owe them.

Life will come full circle when sacrifices you make reap a garden with caring gardeners, who will nurture both old and new plants with unending love.

Don't be selfish. Make a sacrifice. It’s essential.